I don't Believe you....

Confused..

Always confused, but I am not going to worry about it, I will let it be.
So my adventure in dating is going pretty good. I have actually found a pretty good dating site that has FINALLY brought me some decent fellows. I am deleting some of my old profiles with various gay men chat sites. I am just getting too old to be trolling hook up sites. Never wanted hook ups to begin with, but I have surprisingly met a lot of real good guys from these hook up sites.
Time has come to really start looking for something more.
Hit the "deactivate account" button. Feel ten times better.
Speaking of the new dating, I took this personality quiz on there, and I am amazed on how correct it was about me:
The Slow Dancer

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

Steady, reliable, and cradling him tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer
Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you’re a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There’s also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The men left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal man is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive.
While you’re not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it’s HIGHLY likely they’re just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships.
weird huh? Thats sooo me! lol.

Wear My Kiss

Sorry for the long period of time between my last post and this one.
It has definitely been a busy start to the year.
I still find it hard to balance my work and play, but I have been having fun doing so.
It causes me to be exhausted all the time, and when I get online, I fall asleep in front of the monitor.
Oh well
So here it is.
Dating has been going very good. I find a lot of the men I have been meeting are pretty nice guys, but I am not sure if I am really connecting with any of them. Oh well. I like flirting. Its been fun.
A few choice guys have resurfaced, and possibilities with said guys have also presented themselves. Go ME!
I met up with one on Sunday.
I have always had my eye on this boy. I was originally going to ask him out, but strangely ended up asking out his best friend instead. My fault that I missed out the first time around.
We last minute met up and a McDonalds just to sit and chat (there were no Starbucks or other coffee shops open, and I figure meetin up at a adult arcade might send the wrong message). It was a fun night, considering the awkward afternoon I had before this(see further down). He got up to toss his trash, and I have got to say this boy has the most incredible asses EVER! DAMN! I have just about forgotten what a nice ass loosk like. The last several boyfriends I have had had seriously lack of ass. If This friendship switches from neutral, to forward, I AM GOING TO HAVE SOOO MUCH FUN! LOL.
As I mentioned, I have a peculiar Sunday afternoon. I met up with my friend Nella, for dinner. She is going through some tough times, so I thought it might be good for us to have dinner and let her vent. Keep in mind I hadnt seen her in person in over a year, I havent really talked to her since that last meeting.
Can you say AWKWARD! I felt so weird being there with her. We have definitely changed. We are no longer WE. That chemistry that I had once felt is gone, and I found it hard to find things to talk to her about, so I babbled about my relationship woes, my home life status, and my uncertainties for the future. I listened to her troubles, but I still felt like we were just good aquaintances instead of the once unbreakable duo.
Its sad, but it was inevitable. We are not kids anymore. We grew up. We live our lives, apart now.
as I always say, C'est La Vie.
Ok so Anyways
SUGABABES! Their new Single is "Wear My Kiss" and I am loving it. Jade Ewen is an amazing addition to Sugababes and I cant wait to hear the new album.
Here is a sneak peek of their video, im excited for the full one. I will leave it at that. Have a nice one readers!

from resolutions to 5 things...

So I was talking to a friend Brittny about new years resolutions and she turned me on to this thing she does instead of resolutions.

she makes a list of five things she would like to do/happen
the 5 things arent like resolutions because they arent set to high expectations like the resolutions, and they arent major things like lose weight or go on a diet.

Here are my five things:

1 Have a date for Valentines day
2 Go to PA and see the historic sites
3 find a pair of nice black boots and some rainbow laces (yep, I am going to bring them back)
4 find a good recipe for albondigas and make it for a dinner
5 plan a Borders Tempe reunion happy hour

I am excited to accomplish these five things, but if I dont, they are still going to be on my list -o- five
Weird short random post, but then again
I am weird short and random, so enjoy your day!

I am going to learn how to dance!

Boys Boys Boys

Boys By Ashlee Simpson

So My other New Years resolutions is surprisingly working out just as well as the smaller one.

Meet men.
I have a lot of really cool guys, and the possibility of dates are on the horizon.
The one difference I am seeing is that I am actually using my good sense now. I WILL NOT go after the unattainable guy for the chase. I WILL NOT proceed with a relationship with a loser just for the hell of it.
Thats the stipulation of this resolution. I cant keep falling back into my routine of meeting fellas, knowing they are shit, but curious to see how itll all turn out, so staying with it until it ultimately blows up in my face.
NO!
Not this time around. I will meet fellas, see if there is a connection; if not, SEE YA!
I feel kinda bad because I got busy with work and havent return calls.
ANOTHER RESOLUTION: return phone calls.
----------
this creepy little girl gave one of my buds at work Jessica a tiny apple.
awkward, but it did inspire me to snap some shots of it:

My hand looks odd... and HUGE!

I wanted to take them out and have Edward holding the apple, but they are like $50 dolls, so ...no

and lastly:

The singing puppy got hungry!

Im gonna burn it down, down....

Ok, so here it is. 2010!
New year, new me, just NEW.
Yes I have made some resolutions. I know some say that new year resolutions are made with the intention of them never really being accomplished, but I intend to accomplish ALL my goals

To test it out, I set a few smaller goals that could easily be accomplished

First goal was to get rid of unwanted, useless people in my life. That was surprisingly easy. I thought it would be harder since a few of them I had somewhat emotional ties to; At midnight, a mass text of Happy New Years, and then I proceeded to erase these people from my life.
pictures deleted
profiles defriended and any user profiles blocked
numbers erased
chapters in my book of life closed
good riddance!

Next goal, attract worthwhile men into my life (if necessary, bribe with baked goods (I can bake, its a secret SHHH!)).....umm, so this goal is still a work in progress, keep you posted.

One major goal I intend to keep and accomplish is lose weight and gain muscle mass. I wanna be fit and healthy. I admit I started in December and it was going good, but due to stressful holiday, I put it on the back burner. In the meantime I have been getting together soem really workouts that I feel will help me reach and maintain my ripped goal.
Scott Herman Fitness is really inspiring me to get good. Go figure Its a Real World alumni that will once again impact my life. I dont know what it is about people from Real World, but they seem to influence my life tremendously, both directly & indirectly.
Because of Danny Roberts, I have met one of the greatest guys in my life, & I will be forever thankful for that (sidenote: If you have ever heard me talk about my "Concrete Kingdom" or the CtoC, then you know the story)
Visit Scott Herman's website to get fit & inspired!
Scott Herman Fitness

Ok so I am tired now. More Resolutions to be revealed later.
I am happy
So far so good!

I survived the holiday!

So I know its been ages but I was in holiday retail hell. A lot of shit has also gone down. I am about to go to work so I promise a more fully detailed blog later

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

A christmas Ghazal poem

My lovely buddy Jamie made me this wonderful Ghazal poem. I thought I would give you guys a gift and share it with you! Enjoy!

Morose Christmas Ghazal to Pedro

Lady Gaga & Miley Cyrus Join their hands
to pray for your crotch- a hope that hands

Will graze them soon, to lull you from the non-
self -inducing dry spell, to relieve your hands.

This Christmas I hope he comes, in your face (yes you meant it like that lol)
a man sent down too show off, Hands in hand!

as 2009 winds down, I hope there's an invite
to a party in your pants on hand.

To you, Pedro, The best shall come
in your face, in your mouth, but not in your hand!

I am not a robot

A lot of things I have been surpressing have been manifesting themselves through random acts of stupidity.
Its a bit of an understatement to say that this has been one of the roughest years for me. I have lost a lot. I have gained a bit. I had to start over new. I have had to accept certain facts about myself and my situation that were hard for me to accept.
I put a smile on my face, and while I may be crying inside, I wear that smile like a badge.
I never let it get me.
well, lately, the problems and the feelings have been starting to arise from the depths and are scratching the surface and I am not handling some of the emotions well.
They become misplaced and come out in really inappropriate times, making situations awkward and just unecesarry.
I said some things to someone that I really shouldnt have said, and im not sure if I really fully meant half of what I said. I am kinda confused about things with this person. I feel sort of toyed with.
Its my fault though. Against the wishes of many who said this is not a wise decision, I decided to carry on on the path that is him, and see where this path leads.
YES, I will get hurt.
YES, I know better.
How can I like someone so much that I question how much he actually liked me or if he even liked me at all?
Is it that I really like him like I think I do, or is it because im lonely, and hes recent?
Why is he different?
Why do I care?
Why?
After a long chat with one of my buds, He helped me put a lot of things into perspective. I have anwsered some of my questions, but  a few questions still plague me. I dont really wanna know the anwsers to the questions I want to ask. It might ruin the romance of it all.

I am vulnerable

Gotta Love Manhunt!

A guy messaged me on Manhunt. It was funny so I decided to post it. I am the >> (just in case you were wondering lol)

You are now chatting with Pla****(removed his name)
Pla****: fighting off bordem?
>> A little
>> mostly getting ready for work
>> you?
Pla****: at dorms
>> oh fun
Pla****: wat time you work
>> in like ten minutes lol
>> well i have to leave in ten minutes
Pla****: call in late
Pla****: i want you to fuck me hard
Pla****: im really horny to bottam
Pla****: and cant find no dude on here
Pla****: they all the
Pla****: same saying next time
Pla****: and 
Pla****: about to go to bed then why get on
Pla****: im just to hard and horny for all this]
Pla****: so whats up with you?
>> not much just checking my email
Pla****: JAJAJA ]
Pla****: ok not calling in,
Pla****: then im back on the hunt thanks bro
>> take care
Pla****:  hanh peace out

Desperation....sad....
Oh well, I guess when you need to get laid, you NEED to get laid. I wouldnt have fuck him with a ten foot pole even if I wasnt heading to work. I like how he really expected me to call in to work just so I could go over to his dorm, pop one off, then head into work. ummm no. Thats not how I work. Silly homo!

My new work tshirt is too tight. If I had the pecs and abs I am trying to achieve, then maybe id wear it, but I still have my tummy and ever shrinking moobs lol. Eww I hate using moobs.

Why do men from other states surf me on manhunt? Its odd. I am being soo random today, and the day has not even begun! GOOD TIMES!